Dreaming In Silver Rainbows

Liam's date surprise was perfect. (Sorry I have not been back here to fill you all in on how great it was, but, work has been calling me 24/7 and a paycheck takes priority.) My boyfriend took some pity on me and said that we would be outdoors before he gave me one of those modelesque smiles and said that I looked good in anything. So blind folded and in comfortable clothing I was led to this park on his apartment buildings roof. Even though I have been to his apartment before, I definitely did not know such a pretty spot existed. There were twinkling flower shaped string lights, lots of green plants and flowers. Amongst a little nook surrounded by flowers was a table with small candles and a trolly next to it with two dome covered plates. Dinner was really nice, Liam remembered my pescetarian ways and there was nothing with a face anywhere near our meals. Unless of course you count the talapia that was on my plate along with its shrimp buddies. I think he is adopting vegetarian ways and I'm way happy with that. He had vegetarian lasagna. We sampled each others meals for a while before he suddenly wiped his mouth with the blue cloth napkin, picked a flower from a plant to his right and very smoothly put it in my hair. He always smells really really good... After dinner there was a nice chocolate desert. Chocolate pie with raspberry mouse and caramel flakes. I was happy to find out months ago that Liam, like me, does not consume alcohol. Sparkling apple cider on ice accompanied the whole meal. It was all amazing and his eyes are so intense, practically always.

After dinner we stayed on the roof and watched the moon sparkle the world below with the many stars around it. Then he blew out all the candles, grabbed the apple cider, covered the empty plates, and we went down to his place. There was a movie marathon, which I know he likes having as much as I do. We stayed up watching Star Trek movies, again the originals only. The following day I woke up to the smell of vegetarian bacon, tea, and the sound of House reruns. When I walked to the very edge of his kitchen, Liam was doing the moon walk...

I have never been this happy in a relationship and I almost don't know what to do with myself. Should I be expecting something intense and tragic to happen soon? Or should I just be happy and go with what is? Things are still great and going strong. Modeling with a few acting snippets in his roster I think Liam is happy too. So now what? Am I over analyzing?

Rock on to your own soundtrack dear ones.

~ Silver

Hi everyone! I'm sorry that I have not been able to keep you all up to date for the past weeks. Things have been hectic since my vacation time ended and Liam is quite good at sweeping me off of my feet. Of course his actions leave my boss and coworkers very happy. Not to say that I am not happy too... Okay, lets start with where I believe I left all of you hanging...

I saw Liam pretty early the next day, his flight wasn't going to leave for quite a few hours so he came by with breakfast and extremely pretty flowers. When I say pretty early I mean before the sunrise. He wanted to watch the sky change colors with me, or so he said with his perfect smile and perfect model hair. It was really nice and super sweet. He arrived with his luggage so that when he had to leave I could go see him off or he could just leave the hotel as late as possible. That was of course nice of him. Nice of him to give me the option. I took a quick shower and he was the perfect gentlemen, I never felt his eyes on me so I'm pretty sure that he never peeked. At the airport before he boarded his flight, he gave me a beautifully wrapped box with silvery purple ribbon bows and smiled a very knowing smile, then he was gone. After taking a picture of me holding the box with a puzzled look on my face of course. Liam Taylor has grown this lovely way of snapping camera phone pictures of me when I least expect it. Its both annoying, a little bit, and endearing.

I have accepted the fact that there is now someone who I care about. Before I made it a point to write off men in general, now I'm pretty happy. Tickled pink actually. Ever since that vacation has been over things between us has become more official. We had a long and deep conversation the night that he returned to Georgia. Even though I offered to meet him at the airport when his flight landed, he told me that he would see me at my hotel and not to worry. When he arrived, he arrived with flowers, damp hair, and a large envelope. In the envelope was a collage of all the pictures Liam has been taking of me and us over the months since we had met in the park. Amongst the photos that he had taken of me were pictures that my friends had work gave him. It was really sweet and of he was extremely cute that day. We practically spoke about everything that was relationship related. One of his questions that will stick with me for a very very long time was concerned with Film and the history of our relationship. At first i was a little confused about the reason that Liam would ask that. He wanted to know the basics, what I didn't want in a relationship and wether or not my heart was intact enough for a new relationship. His level of concern just made me like him more. Who knew that models were so deep...? That is besides the point though... Ever since then, he's been great and I've been great and its fantastic. All things are good in the world of Silver. Chivalry is not dead...

Until I have something else to gush over may good things rule the world and may all relationships be as awesome as the one I have going with Liam Taylor.

I'm really not sure what to do with myself now that I'm on vacation. People from the office called me this morning. Taylor wanted to know how things with Liam are going. Of course I would not answer that question, no matter how many times he asked me. Shirley gushed to me over how cute he is and then basically told me that if I wasn't going after him she would. Matt checked on my at about noon... If they want me to be on vacation why are they all calling me? My boss insisted that I should go somewhere besides just my apartment. I told him that I already had plans to but was not going to tell him where so that he could slip the info to Liam. He shamefully said that he had no idea what I was talking about. I laughed before saying that I had to go and hanging up. With all their pushing towards me giving Liam Taylor a chance, I cannot help but think about the guy. Bottom line, I don't want to date anyone right now. I also don't want to think of Film but he just keeps showing up here. Interestingly enough whenever he is there Liam is here and vice versa.

Today Liam showed up at my door with flowers.. They were just as beautiful as the last bunch he gave me. When he handed them to me, he smiled in a way that gave points to team 'Date Liam'. As I invited him in I noticed Film just getting off of the elevator.  Mouthing the word no after letting Liam in, I closed the door on whatever Film was saying. Perhaps it truly is time for me to start calling security whenever I see Film. I really do not want to though... 

Liam asked me out while he was standing in my living room. Against my better judgement or not, I accepted. The date is tomorrow because he has a photo shoot to go to today. However he did insist on the two of us grabbing lunch together. While part of me wants to give this a chance, the other part that is cynical to dating after Film, screams no. Will I be prepared to jump ship if Liam Taylor turns out to be the opposite of my dream guy? Or is this going to be a complete repeat of what happened before...? 

Very softly and completely chaste, he kissed me after asking me if he could. It was then that all the security locks on my paranoid heart fell apart. It may seem dumb, but, the way that he isn't at all rushing things is what has me liking him more than I want to. I wonder if he has taken a lesson from a book that I don't know of yet. A book that still has to be published. 'A Lesson In How To Get Under My Very Tough Skin.' Somewhere there may be a manuel that he has read and I just might be the one who gives up on the idea of shunning all relationships. 

He did not push it at all. Did not kiss me again until he left for his home. Just as chaste, just as uncomplicated. He left me in my apartment, very confused as well as pining in ways that I didn't want to be. 

Film came to my place today. He was here about ten minutes before Liam. I didn't notice who I had opened the door to until the front door was well... open. My ex didn't look sad or angry but he did not look happy either. Joy was not on my side when the first words out of his mouth had to do with the guy who walked me home the day before. I'm almost certain that Liam heard the argument. How could he not have heard it all or most of it? He was super sweet about it though. Didn't bring it up at all... Liam just made sure that I was okay and then dropped it. The flowers that he handed to me after telling Film that " Its time for you to leave, don't you think?" are gorgeous. He brought me an assortment of roses. Lilac roses mean love at first sight, which I really don't buy into. Light pink roses mean a joy to behold. So was he saying that I am a joy to behold that he has love at first sight syndrome over? When Film saw the roses I don't think he understood what they really symbolized. I got it though and even though he was out of the room I had to turn away for a few seconds. 

The biggest thing on my mind right now, is the fact that after Film, I really cannot even think about dating again. The flowers are beautiful, he's really nice, and no matter what all of his wonderful qualities cannot allure me in. 

Film needs to stop calling me, texting me, and showing up at my apartment building. Its borderline stalking. I, at the moment, don't really care to elaborate on his new antics... I don't want him back, I'm not interested. Something safe. I need something safe. Something like fictional characters...

I will bury my head into the greatest novels of the world and the antics of my current tv crush. T.V. characters are all fictional and so no harm no foul. For now, all relationships are overrated. 

In my apartment I am pacing. Pacing away the memories of what Film and I used to be. No matter what, I cannot let him get to me in that way. My emotions are under control, my control and not his. 

"Just let me make it up to you."

That's what I heard him say before the door to my place slammed shut. He can't ever make this up to me. My heart was once his and now its just not his at all. The more that I think of it the more that I remember what being his girlfriend felt like. The walks in central park. The music festivals we would go to together, just the two of us or with Music sometimes. The way he would surprise me with trips to the science center, and of course what he would look like every time he read one of my stories or articles. 

Who would it hurt if I just went to bed early? Probably no one... It may only be eight o'clock but if I go to sleep now, I can stay away from everything. Unless of course they find me in my dreams. 

Completely ignoring the walls that stand between me and my best friends, I re started a weekend ritual that had died the very moment I met Music. I used to devote my weekends to my couch and my always growing collection of dvd's. I was not at all up to date with Criminal Minds last season so this weekend was a very long opportune moment. Even though he is just a character on a very well loved show, Spencer Reid might be the man of my dreams. He's incredibly smart, he's not Film, he loves Star Trek the way I love Star Trek, and he's always really nice. Not to say that Film isn't a nice guy... Of course he is or I would not have gotten involved with him. The huge catcher is that no t.v. character is ever real. If my adoration for someone that is not a real person does not say anything about my current relationship issues; what does?

I would also like to send out an honorable mention for Derek Morgan, if Reid did not exist you would be my one and only. Perhaps its bad that instead of dealing with the issues between me and the guys at the moment, I am choosing to ignore them and pay more attention to what only a show can bring forward. 

Hello darlings! I hope that while I was caught up in the throws of English Lit. I have not been missed too much. Still angry with Film, I have not payed him very much attention. Then again, I seriously doubt that the jerk missed me. I don't even think that he thought about me. Not even a little bit.

The authors that have saved my mind and heart from the travesty of regret and 'Oh look I'm depressed over this crappy relationship' syndrome; I owe a lot. Thank you Jhumpa Lahiri for reminding me why relationships suck. I really needed that you know. I mean after everything that has happened between me, my on hiatus or ex boyfriend, and Music... anything could happen. Nothing makes me want to walk away from this all like the memory of what he did with our bond. 

Music has not exactly been a saint friend either. We are not talking to each other. The two people that I have called my best friends in the world are not really my friends at all in this moment. Music and I have been fighting over my relationship with Film. Yesterday he hung up on me. Something that he knows very well I will see as a rude action. I have not made any effort to call him back. No emails, no text messages, not a single form of communication has passed from me to any of them. They have not made an effort to contact me either. And so we all wait in limbo. 

Lately I have been wondering to myself about Film and Music. I never ever want to be the jealous girl friend that people tell horror stories about. I also do not want to be the one who gets hurt in this relationship because I made excuses for everything. Even though the three of us are super close, there is always tension between us. Tension between Music and me, then there is the invisible wall of who knows what between Music and Film. 

Twice already I have thought about calling it quits solely because of the invisible wall between us all. Where exactly has the easy going friendship gone? One of my favorite songs off of the soundtrack for Shrek 2 is Frou Frou's 'I Need A Hero'. There is nothing even remotely heroish about the way that things are going between Film and I. Lets call it tension for now. The same exact tension is between Music and I... In my mind there is something very wrong with this picture. Meeting at our usual hangout the three of us got into an argument over the best movie ever made. What started out as a friendly set of disagreements turned into a low blow set of insults between Film and Music. At first I couldn't believe what i was hearing. Talking to each other like they were now was not at all usual. I quickly stood up and started to gather my things before leaving. If they were going to argue with each other like that, I did not at all want to be near by. It was awhile before either of them even started to notice. Films hand found its way around my left wrist. And that was where the real argument began. 

"I'm leaving. I don't argue like this with my friends or my boyfriend. When you two grow up, call me."

"Silver your overreacting.", he huffed in an almost dismissive way. 

"Me? I'm overreacting? Like I said.. call me when you figure out how to be adults."

I walked away and Film followed me out until Music stopped him.